The day I heard “you have Parkinson’s” wasn’t a shock to me. I had been seeing my neurologist/MDS (Movement Disorder Specialist) since Spring of 2019 when I first noticed significant tremors. After two plus years of feeling in limbo about whether or not I really had PD, my doctor ordered a DaT Scan to measure any loss of dopamine in my brain, where it is stored. Well, the tests were fairly clear and somewhat devastating. A lot of medical terms and numbers were written on the test results. All I really saw and understood were the words “significant to severe depletion.” Before the doctor would fully diagnose me with PD, she prescribed Sinemet (Carbidopa/Levodopa), the magic drug that takes away the tremors. She said if I respond well and my PD symptoms diminish, then we can confirm if you have PD or some kind of Parkinsonism. “…ISM”, what is that? Something that mimics PD but actually isn’t PD. Huh? Confused? Me, too. It was really frustrating to wait for a definitive diagnosis. Anxiety was high. Emotions were unstable because I didn’t know if I was reacting normally to not having an answer yet or if the anxiety was coming from the PD itself. After 6 weeks, the wait was over. I sat in the exam room waiting for the doctor to come in. After a pleasant exchange of greetings, the doctor launched right into telling me my diagnosis. She said, “Since your DaTScan showed a significant to severe depletion of dopamine and you’re responding to the Sinemet, I think we can say that you definitely have Parkinson’s.” (I’m paraphrasing a bit. The doctor used more medical terms.) But all I heard was “this is Parkinson’s, not Parkinsonism.” I thought “Wow, that’s great to know…wait that’s not great. What? Wow, I really do have PD. What the Fuck! What now? Oh, my god!” I became numb for I don’t know how long. The rest of the day I was seeing things in a sort of tunnel vision, I heard nothing but “wha, wha, wha”. Like Charlie Brown’s teacher. The smell and taste of food the rest of that day was completely bland. In the next few days I started letting people close to me know. I treated the news casually because I have had to deliver other news about medical conditions before. (Sjogren’s Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Celiac.) “So, Amy has another medical thing on her list. Ho hum.” Like the boy crying wolf, it felt a bit like my news was no big deal. Ouch! Aside from the family in my immediate household, I felt so alone.