My wish at this point of my journey is to overcome obstacles which have become enemies, like apathy, keeping me from living my best life.  My greatest fear is that I will not find the strength or know-how to overcome and take up the sword to sleigh that enemy.

It’s time. I cannot remain complacent about this apathy that’s been putting a grip on me. This enemy seems invisible but I can see her. “Apathetic Annie”! Contrary to her languorous state of being, she is always running ahead of me to set up yet another blockade that keeps me from participating in my own life. Well, now she’s run into a cave. A cave I was warned would be in my path ahead. A place where I must face a yet unknown ordeal. It sits, mouth wide open, emitting a low rhythmic sound like the sound of a white noise machine, but very low in volume. The air just inside is heavy and a bit foggy. How do I enter the cave sitting before me? I know “Apathetic Annie” is waiting inside for me. What danger am I facing? What changes or miracle will manifest?  

I hesitate to face her. I am frozen. Like a bearded dragon, staring toward the cave, contemplating everything around me before I make a move. With my bearded dragon head held high, I rise up on my hind legs, rush into the cave and take up a stance just inside the threshold.

I look into the darkness before me. Light starts to enter from cracks in the ceiling. I see my nemesis sitting on a big pile of comfy floor pillows, encircled with putrid smoke from her cigarette, laughing at me – a combination of “Mrs.Robinson” and “Cruella De Vil”. She points to pillows near her and commands me to sit there. The smoke makes me nauseous and this sets me off. “That’s It! I’ve had it with you, you fucking primadonna!!!”

I rush over in a rage  to start kicking and throwing the pillows all around. I swipe at “Apathetic Annie’s” face to grab the disgusting cigarette from her dry, cracked lips and throw it out the entrance of the cave. She cowers. Then she laughs nervously and throws dismissive and mocking looks toward me. I vanquish her to the corner by grabbing her and pushing her there. I lock her in a dog crate. 

I step back from the crated, pathetic, defeated enemy. Taking a pause, I say “Now where was I before all this shit happened to me so many months ago? Oh right! I was on a road trip. The road trip of my life. Figuring out how to live with Parkinson’s and not let it constrain my dreams and hope for a good life. I have lost my map though. Where is it? Nevermind, I’ll find it. First I just have to get moving.” I throw the crate containing the defeated “Apathetic Annie” into the back of my van. She is coming with me because I know, at least for now, that she is still a part of me. But I will now have control over her. I’ll learn to live with her.