My van is parked in the shade of some trees at a rest stop. The pack of troublesome emotions are asleep inside the van. I’m standing against the hood of my van talking to my friend Sue on the phone. I called her because we struggle with similar feelings, so I asked her if she would join my journey and help guide me. Sue quietly said “No, we each have to follow our own journey. We have to focus on our own goals. ” She said that we can’t share goals and that she can’t find the answers I seek. I have to do that work. She said she’d always be available to listen and support me with encouragement. I understood. It made me nervous to think about being on my own with a van full of my enemies – the emotions that easily get the best of me – but onward we go.

Where? Back home to my Ordinary World. Except there will be a new definition of that world and I will move through it differently than before. When I arrive back home, I want to introduce my family to the rapscallion group of emotions that have been the key disruptors to managing my everyday life. I want my family and friends to know how real and tough they are because they are formidable opponents who will keep on challenging me and knocking me down. 

That is my intent. So I get back on the road. It’s quiet at first. I feel good about how I’m able to co-exsist with these harsh emotions. I start to think of my kids. I try to think if I have learned anything that can finally help me get them organized to launch.  My mind is searching for an answer but it keeps searching like a spinning circle on a lagging internet connection. 

Oh no! My peaceful reprieve is over. Worrisome Wanda awakens and starts hounding me about the kids.  “How are they going to survive when you’re gone, Amy? Your daughter can’t work. What’s your son going to do with his life? Where are they going to get money, How are they going to live?” I tell her to stop… just stop! I tell her that things will be better when we get home. Doubtful Dennis chimes in with his whiney voice, repeatedly saying “I don’t know, I just don’t know. You’ve tried and failed at this so many times before. I doubt it’ll be any different.”
Oh great! You two have been complaining so loudly that you woke up “I’m too tired” Tucker. He adds his complaints about how sleeping in the van isn’t restful and he feels worse now. He also points out that my kids also have fatigue and I needed to remember that this is also holding them back. “When are we going to get there? Can we stop at a hotel, so I can get some real sleep?!”, he begs.

Then, without missing a beat, Apathetic Annie’s voice floats in from the back of the van and hushes everyone for the moment. I’ve been shaking my head this whole time while watching in the rear view mirror and listening to this cacophony. But then Annie interjects, as if to take control, “Who the fuck cares?! Why should it matter that your kids don’t have daily living skills? When you die, you won’t be around to watch or worry. So, really, who cares?” 

Fuck you, Annie!!!

I pull the van over in a fit of rage. I yell at Dennis, Wanda and Tucker to get out. I pull Annie out of the back, still locked in the dog crate.I throw her into a bank of ice and snow alongside the road. I scream at all of them to shut up and let me think. I start walking in circles with my fists pounding my chest, my thighs and my head. “I should just abandon you all right here. Why do I keep you creeps with me?!” The answer?  “I know, you will always be a part of me. I have to learn to live with you.”

Fine! Everyone gets back in the van. I fill it up with gasoline then tell my despicable travel companions to wait while I go inside to get some snacks. I go down the aisle with all the chips and turn to the shelf to pick something. I can’t. Why am I so flustered and stuck?!
I see someone standing in the middle of the aisle looking perplexed and almost frantic. They introduce themselves, “Hi, I’m Indecisive Izzy”. They seem to disappear, but then I realize it was my reflection in the glass door. Wonderful. Another creepy passenger. 

I pay for the snacks then start walking back to the van. I see a man chatting with my soulless entourage. I say “Hello” and he turns around revealing a warm smile.  He said “You’re travel companions were telling me all about your journey. I have also been on a Hero’s Journey and am on my way back to my Ordinary World.  He is all suited up with hiking gear and a backpack, so I assume he’s traveling by foot and camping along the way. I asked him if he’d like to ride along with me. That is, if the clown car components can behave themselves. He smiled at me again and said he thought there was hope for them. Hope for me to learn how to live with them. I looked into his eyes and smiled back at him with a nod of agreement. I said “Thank you,… I don’t know your name… I’m Amy”. He said, I’m very happy to meet you. My name is Darryl.”