I just finished another “Hero’s Journey” with the help of Pixar’s “Inside Out” as a guide. I thought it would be good to summarize some of my writing and what I learned from the last 16 weeks of exploration of my emotions.

I think the first day I felt fear about having Parkinson’s(PD) was also the same day I first felt sadness about the PD. It was a party of emotions that day. Sadness made me cry and grieve for yet another illness to add to my list with Fibromyalgia, Sjogren’s Syndrome and Celiac Disease. Anger made me think, “NO! I don’t want another label. Fear made me realize that a lot of recent behaviors I had were related to the PD and it scared me! I had no filters. I felt lost and out of control not knowing how quick I’d change or deteriorate. 

Fear opened the door to panic. I thought of my kids and how frustrated and hopeless I already felt about them needing help to launch. But now I believed, because of my fear, anxiety and panic, that I could no longer be their launch pad or vehicle. My booster power, the dopamine in my brain, was already severely drained. I was no longer able to guide them. I became too easily irritated, confused and overwhelmed. There are days when it feels like I am only an observer watching my mental control, ability to speak sensibly, and my general health slip away. This crisis of my body and mind changing due to PD is stealthy, treacherous and can be swift.  

So what’s the resolution here? There isn’t one really. Trying to manage my difficult emotions has been a long and constant quest since having PD. One thing I have learned is that a better way to manage out of control emotions is to acknowledge them and let them have their say, then let them be. This takes their power over me away from them.

My dear, departed dog, Daisy, always helped me feel better. No advice given, no questions asked. She’d just be with me. She brought joy into my life. When sadness would overcome me, Daisy was there with joy, waiting to re-introduce us. I’m learning that my joy and sadness need to co-exist with each other and they just need to be with me. I need to be with them as well. I need to just “BE”. And now I have Tena. A sweet, mellow rescue pup who’s sole desire is to sit on my lap. This is why I feel that Daisy sent her to me. When you have a dog in your lap, loving you, it’s pretty easy to be in the moment and just “BE”.