Parkinson’s
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I need to let go and live one moment at a time, but Parkinson’s Disease (PD) makes that difficult. My interactions with family, friends, and strangers remind me daily of my diminishing emotional filters.
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Who am I, and when did I become this person? Did I lose a younger version of myself to become who I am now? Is the process of transitioning from child to adult like a chrysalis emerging as a beautiful butterfly? It’s a comforting metaphor, but far from realistic. No, we stumble through the teenage…
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I have no filters or barriers to protect my nervous system. I feel like a raw, exposed bundle of nerves most of the time.
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Today’s blog post is a Parkinson’s public service announcement. I am really dragging myself through the hours of the past three days of unprecedented triple digit heat where I live. I’m trying to stay hydrated and am not exerting myself but it’s a big, scary struggle to manage how the heat is affecting me. This…
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“I grapple with making choices to the point of shutting down in frustration and great disappointment in myself and anger at PD.”
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It’s a fast and rickety wooden roller coaster ride of emotions, too. There are days when it feels like I am only an observer watching my mental control, ability to speak sensibly, and my general health slip away. This crisis of my body and mind changing due to PD is stealthy, treacherous and can be…
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Parkinson’s disease (PD) has many symptoms. Now in my sixth year of having PD I sometimes look at these symptoms as if they are milestones on a checklist.
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Her absence is so deafening to me. It’s unbearable at times. There are no sounds of her sighing in her sleep, and shaking her head so that her ears make a flapping sound. No sound of her little feet creaking the wooden floor as she walked up and down the hallways. No clickety-clack of the…
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Having to look so deep into what scares me, and then put it into a story has also brought me revelations. Or are they realizations?
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I am bringing home a powerful elixir. The elixir is something I made. I discovered this elixir through the writing I have done over the past 3 months.The writing opened up my mind, and my heart. It brought me out of darkness and into the light. My elixir is a new attitude, a new perspective.
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I look out on all of my negative emotions, freely moving about, not clinging to me. I am dumbstruck by this apparent detachment. I look down at Annie. Her eyes look at me with longing. I look back at Kermit and agree to let Annie out and let her go.
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When I arrive back home, I want to introduce my family to the rapscallion group of emotions that have been the key disruptors to managing my everyday life. I want my family and friends to know how real and tough they are because they are formidable opponents who will keep on challenging me and knocking…
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I am learning that life is bigger than the daily, often menial, work of my life. MY LIFE means more. I have been in a foggy, often dark place and it took Parkinson’s to make me find the light within me.
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I cannot remain complacent about this apathy that’s been putting a grip on me. This enemy seems invisible but I can see her. “Apathetic Annie”! Contrary to her languorous state of being, she is always running ahead of me to set up yet another blockade that keeps me from participating in my own life.
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I need to break out of this Parkinson’s prison I’m in. Apathy is my prison matron.
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I am struggling daily to get rid of this apathy. Sometimes it feels like I’m just waiting out my time between attacks of this insidious feeling consuming me.
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I’m tired of living with chronic illness. It’s way too much work for one person.
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The day I heard “you have Parkinson’s” wasn’t a shock to me.
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Just before my Parkinson’s (PD) diagnosis the world was in the midst of the COVID crisis. This was a blessing in disguise for me. Sort of.
I have Parkinson's. Parkinson's doesn't have me! 